Wednesday, December 15, 2010
My son rejected me today. My feelings were hurt and I feel like crying just writing about it. Today I came home from being gone all morning and I felt like being close to my son because I missed him. I sat down on the floor he gave me a hug and a kiss and I asked him, "Do you want some brrmm brrmmmm (breastmilk)?" Nainoa replied, "Nope!" Knife in heart. Knife turns right and left. " Are you sure?????" So I whip it out and he suckles for what seemed like a millisecond and said, "Done!" He then walks away from me. I'm speechless, sad and hurt all at the same time. I totally feel rejected. I try to swallow the fact that baby is no longer a baby and he may be starting to self wean. I don't think either of us are ready to completely wean cold turkey. (Although I could do without the 3:00 am sessions) I still love our bonding moments when it is just him and I. I love those moments when he looks up at me so lovingly. Ugh. It's all happening way too fast. World Health Organization recommends to breastfeed for at least 2 years. I really want to make it that far but I'm not sure it will happen. I seriously get sad thinking about how one day soon he won't need me at all. He already doesn't need me to fall asleep at night. So basically we just nurse for nap time and in the wee hours of the morning. Sigh....well at least I have that....for now.