Wednesday, December 15, 2010


My son rejected me today. My feelings were hurt and I feel like crying just writing about it. Today I came home from being gone all morning and I felt like being close to my son because I missed him. I sat down on the floor he gave me a hug and a kiss and I asked him, "Do you want some brrmm brrmmmm (breastmilk)?" Nainoa replied, "Nope!" Knife in heart. Knife turns right and left. " Are you sure?????" So I whip it out and he suckles for what seemed like a millisecond and said, "Done!" He then walks away from me. I'm speechless, sad and hurt all at the same time. I totally feel rejected. I try to swallow the fact that baby is no longer a baby and he may be starting to self wean. I don't think either of us are ready to completely wean cold turkey. (Although I could do without the 3:00 am sessions) I still love our bonding moments when it is just him and I. I love those moments when he looks up at me so lovingly. Ugh. It's all happening way too fast. World Health Organization recommends to breastfeed for at least 2 years. I really want to make it that far but I'm not sure it will happen. I seriously get sad thinking about how one day soon he won't need me at all. He already doesn't need me to fall asleep at night. So basically we just nurse for nap time and in the wee hours of the morning. Sigh....well at least I have that....for now.


Pema said...

Oh my. I'm speechless and so sad for you. But I guess we shouldn't be since it's part of our kids' developmental process. Wonder when Pema's going to self wean? And how is he falling asleep at night?

Diva Las Vegas said...

Aw chica, I know!!! I'm still sad thinking about how LPP won't ask for "ah-da" anymore, although he did this morning and laughed because he was joking. It is okay, it just means the relationship is changing, growing, there will be more close bonding to replace that bond, although admittedly, nothing can really replace it. Just bask in the nursing you are still doing, bask in the present moments. xoxo

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