I did it!

Skyping

I am back from my solo trip without Eye and Nainoa. I must say it was VERY strange being at the airport without snacks, diapers, stroller and yes the running toddler. I thought I would be a mess but I actually was fine. I was so busy in SF that I didn't have time to be sad. I did break cry for just a second when I was Skyping Nainoa and he was crying, "Mommy come home!" I must say Skype is awesome. It really changes the dynamic of being away from your child. It was so comforting to watch him eat dinner, tell him good night or say good morning and that I loved him so much. I don't think I would have handled without Skyping every day. I have to say that because I was gone Nainoa was SUPER clingy today. He didn't even want anyone else to talk to me. "Don't talk to Mommy!!!" Really? I guess I asked for it being child free for 3 days.

I have to say also that I am so proud of my BFF. Two kids is no joke. One new born and one 4 year old needing your attention is no joke. Parenting is no joke. I was so glad to do whatever I can in those three days. She is such an amazing mother who gives and gives and gives. I seriously don't know where she gets all her patience. I was so inspired by her these past two days. She really has shaped the way I parent. I learn from her. I am so so proud of her.

Baby N awake

Back to sleep.

King Kailophosaurus

Mommy of the Year

Left It On The Plane

We finally made it home. It has been a few days and we are all struggling to get over jet lag. Nainoa was pretty good on the plane. There were a few moments he lost it but overall everyone around us were pretty happy!

I have officially stopped nursing. In the last month in Oz we were only nursing at nap time. I kept telling Nainoa that when we got to Vegas there will be no brrmm brrmm. The parrot that he is repeated it back to me several times. I told him that he can have as much as he wanted on the plane but when we got to Vegas that was it. On the plane he said to me, "I can have brrmm brrmm, but no brrmm brmm in Vegas."

It has been two days and he has only asked twice. My reply has been, "Sorry Nainoa we left it on the plane. We are in Vegas now so that means no more brrmm brrmm." He just kind nods but then he takes out my boob and says, "I just want to lay on it," then proceeds to put his ear down on directly boob. My boobs have become his comfort blanket. I am okay with that for now. I thought I was going to be more emotional about it, but I am really okay with it. I still can feel close to him without nursing.

Tomorrow I am going to visit my BFF and her new baby boy in San Francisco. BY MYSELF. Yes, I am taking a trip without Nainoa for 4 nights and 3 days. Gulp. I am nervous and excited at the same time. How will I do?? I have only left him for one night. Eye will have the Lolos and the twinsies to help him out.

Lots of change is going here. All for the good.

Last sunrise from our apartment in the Gold Coast

Donating our toys. Poor Rudy looks so dejected.

Look at all of our stuff we brought home!!

Weaning and Independence

I have finally come to the point where I believe that we are both ready to wean off the brrrm brrrm. Last night I told Naiona that brrrm brrrm is only for when the sun is out before his nap. Since he has been going with out it for most nights I know that he doesn't need it to go to sleep. All of our babysitters have successfully put him to sleep. Since we only have 3 1/2 more weeks here in Australia I figure that we keep the nap time nursing, nurse on the plane back to Vegas and that's it. Done. We've left brrrrm brrrm in Australia.

Nainoa has been voicing his independence lately. "Nainoa do it" or "I do it by myself." We have been swimming in the pool lately with water wings. We usually go back and forth to from the jacuzzi to the pool. I usually get out with him and hold his hand down the steps to make sure he doesn't slip and crack his head open. Today he said to me while he was leaving the jacuzzi, "Mommy you stay there. I don't want Mommy." He is a big boy now you see and doesn't need his Mommy to hold his hand. "Okay I'll stay here I replied." Of course I didn't stay in the jacuzzi. I did follow 3 feet behind him and watched him get down on the pool steps by himself and swim out to the middle of the pool. He did really good for a couple of minutes then he turned to me and said, "Mommy come here, hold my hand." Big smile. "Okay Nainoa here I come!"

Nope

My son rejected me today. My feelings were hurt and I feel like crying just writing about it. Today I came home from being gone all morning and I felt like being close to my son because I missed him. I sat down on the floor he gave me a hug and a kiss and I asked him, "Do you want some brrmm brrmmmm (breastmilk)?" Nainoa replied, "Nope!" Knife in heart. Knife turns right and left. " Are you sure?????" So I whip it out and he suckles for what seemed like a millisecond and said, "Done!" He then walks away from me. I'm speechless, sad and hurt all at the same time. I totally feel rejected. I try to swallow the fact that baby is no longer a baby and he may be starting to self wean. I don't think either of us are ready to completely wean cold turkey. (Although I could do without the 3:00 am sessions) I still love our bonding moments when it is just him and I. I love those moments when he looks up at me so lovingly. Ugh. It's all happening way too fast. World Health Organization recommends to breastfeed for at least 2 years. I really want to make it that far but I'm not sure it will happen. I seriously get sad thinking about how one day soon he won't need me at all. He already doesn't need me to fall asleep at night. So basically we just nurse for nap time and in the wee hours of the morning. Sigh....well at least I have that....for now.