Upstream Downstream

 So I have met with 3 different midwives.  Overall they all seemed very professional, very knowledgeable, very passionate on what they do.  They all had certain qualities that I wished were rolled up into one midwife.  So now I think I'm even more confused.  Which one do I choose?  Do I wait to talk to my doctor who probably will want to steer me away from a home birth?  Then I'll be really really confused!  Oh the life of a Pisces, upstream...downstream.   I wish I can just have my water birth with my doctor and my midwife at a birthing center.  That just doesn't exist here.  Unfortunately in the state of Nevada CPM (certified professional midwife) cannot practice in the hospitals, only CNM (certified nurse midwife) can practice at a hospital.   But the problem with having a CNM is that they have to follow their OB's practices and orders, so it's like having a regular OB anyways.   Sigh...so I guess I just need to to do more research, talk to more people, watch more videos, read more books and soak up all the information so that I can make the best decision.  My heart wants a water birth but my head wants a hospital for "just in case".  What's nagging me...is it fear?  UGH this is SOOO HARD!!!!