Friday, September 25, 2009

Lead By Example

Today I mustered enough courage to actually go to a dance audition. I have never been to a dance audition in Vegas. Thinking about it, I haven't been to a dance audition in over 5 years. I saw the breakdown a couple of days ago and just dismissed it by saying to myself, "Ugh..NO WAY am I going to go. I haven't danced in years! I don't even remember how to spot. What is a pirouette anyways? Where the hell is my center? I am definitely NOT at my pre-pregnancy weight to wear something sexy-body-conscious. What if they all laugh at me? I'm to OLD to audition!" I can go on and on and on. I basically was scared. Scared of realizing how much my dancing body has changed. I was scared of what people would think of me. As I stared at my son, I then thought about what I would say to Nainoa when he was scared to try out for the football team or band or whatever he wanted. I could hear myself saying, "Honey don't worry about what other people say. Even if you don't get, it's about trying your best. As long as you try than that's what counts."


At that moment feeling like a big hypocrite, I realized that I needed to lead by example. I needed to go to that audition to prove to myself that I can do all the things I will one day encourage my son to do. Face fears. Go for things that you are scared of. Who cares if people laugh at me? Who cares if I fall on my face. I least I tried and I did the best that I can do.

So I got all dolled up, straightened my hair, actually shaved my legs and drove my butt down to that audition. I stared at all the TALL Vegas show girl dancers, the short YOUNG dancers. Yes I even heard, " Duh I'm not born in 1979...I'm born in 1990..I can't believe I wrote that..." Younger than me, taller than me, skinnier than me....I wanted desperately to turn around but I didn't. I will not quit now. What would my son think of me? I cannot be that hypocrite. F@#! everyone, I am staying here and dancing.

Then I heard a distraught young girl say..."5'6 or taller! Can you believe that!"

SIGH! I get to go home!!! As all the shorty dancers picked up their bags to go home, I actually was proud of myself. At least I tried, I am not a hypocrite after all.

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