Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Revisiting with less disappointment

One of my favorite blogs, Marvelous Kiddo, of whom I get a lot of inspiration, posted my birth story as her birth story of the week. When Leigh (amazing blogger, mother of two, artist, unschooler, just an awesome woman) asked me if it was okay to share my story I was thrilled. The more I share my story, the more the disappointment of not having my perfect home birth dissolves. When I was re-reading my story, tears welled up in my eyes again and my heart felt heavy but it felt different. Before I would seriously cry when I would read my birth story but now that it has been almost 6 months since Nainoa was born, I feel like I have let go of a lot. Sharing my story gives me the confidence that I will one day try a WVBAC (Water Vaginal Birth After Cesarian). Until then I will enjoy my amazing three generational family home and be thankful that Naiona is here giving all of us joy and laughter everyday.


LovingBeans said...

Hello there.

Just a note to let you know we have almost identical birth stories - the main difference being that when I finally became too exausted and asked for the epidural, it failed. The Dr. tried a 2nd time and it failed again. He hadn't had a failure in 5 years and had never had a double failure. So I hard labored for 10 hours and pushed for 3. After 2 failures and the dreaded need to go to c-section, we worried he wouldn't be able to get the spinal tap either and I would need to be put under. The 45 minutes I tried to stay perfectly still in the OR while having 90 second contractions and feeling the urge to push were the worst. He finally got it and as they opened me up, everyone on the team started nodding and saying, oh, there was no way this baby was going to come out. Our son was OP (he flipped up instead of down) and high up under my ribs.

For months I dealt with the disappointment of the c-section. Little by little, it got better. It didn't hurt that my OB pointed out that 100 years ago, one or both of us would have probably been fatalities. I was reminded of all the old headstones in cemeteries across New Engand... Here Lies So-And-So, Died in Childbirth. Our son is now over a year and the hurt has all but disappeared.

Life finds us pregnant again (and living in Mexico) where we have a fabulous team of an OB, Pediatrician and 4 midwives/doulas. The difference is that here, the ENTIRE TEAM comes to your home for delivery or you can meet them at their Birth Center which is located within a hospital. We are not sure if we will try at home or at the Center, but we will try again.

My wonderful husband was quick to point out that anyone who makes it through a full, hard, exausting, terrible labor AND the c-section has no business feeling disappointed about ANYTHING - that she is one of the strongest women on earth!

It was refreshing to read your birth story on Marvellous Kiddo. Its a nice reminder that we are not alone - that there is someone else out there who understands. It only gets better! Cheers!

Leigh said...

Thank you SO much for sharing, Coralissa. I am so thrilled by the response to your story. You are a true Mama-Inspiration!

Pema said...

Auntie Coralissa, my Mommy was also disappointed for a long time about me being a c-section baby because you know how holistic and crunchy she is. But everything happens for a reason and there's always a lesson to learn and in retrospect, both my Mommy and I are really happy with the way things turned out because ultimately I am here and I am healthy. And so is my boyfriend Nainoa. That is the most important thing.

cara. said...

your story was lovely. i had a similar birthing story, except it didn't end with my baby :( it made me happy to hear it worked out so well for you.

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